


Cherchez La Femme

by Blue_Thallium



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Accidental Incest, Cybersex, F/M, Sibling Incest, UH OH SPAGHETTI OS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2012-07-09
Packaged: 2017-11-09 11:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Thallium/pseuds/Blue_Thallium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave has a thing for a camgirl.</p><p>Said camgirl may or may not be a blood relative.</p><p>Hilarity may or may not ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cherchez La Femme

EB: dave i’m real sorry, i just don’t get what’s so hot about it.    
TG: oh come the fuck on egbert    
EB: i’m serious, i don’t get it!    
TG: what  
TG: for fucks sake  
TG: its hot because its so naughty   
TG: i mean are you supposed to be putting nudes of yourself on the internet   
TG: no i dont think so  
TG: its hot because no one is fucking paying them theyre doing it because it makes them horny  
TG: okay i dont see what isnt hot about a horny girl taking pictures of her sweet sweet boobies specifically for me to fap to    
EB: well, not really it’s like for any guy to fap to.    
TG: a boy can dream    
EB: isn’t it a turn off for you that their heads are cropped out of all of them?   
EB: that’s just kind of creepy?    
TG: no  
TG: no no  
TG: they dont want to get caught  
TG: its the fucking anonymity okay  
TG: you could be looking at anyones tits  
TG: like you know that teacher you have the hots for    
EB: boy, do i.    
TG: well she could be one of those girls man  
TG: she could be all  
TG: hmmm i wonder what im going to do tonight  
TG: that cutie patootie john in my class has me a little wound up  
TG: im going to relieve some frustration by putting hot and sexy pictures of my boobs on the internet  
TG: and im going to pretend hes looking at them while i flick the bean  
TG: and film it    
EB: okay, i guess i kind of get it.  
EB: still.  
EB: doesn’t it bother you how shitty and blurry some of these shots are too? i thought you like wet yourself over shit like that.    
TG: yeah sometimes  
TG: oh god there’s this one chick though  
TG: shes simply the best there is  
TG: ive been talking to her on pesterchum too  
TG: http://lovecraftianwhorer.tumblr.com/  
TG: check out how fucking well shot all of those pics are  
TG: now there is a woman who knows her erotica    
EB: all i see here is like pictures of misc japanese girls in wet uniforms and gifs of dudes sucking each other off.    
TG: do i have to do everything for you  
TG: the woman is entitled to post stuff that gets her wet    
EB: i bet you jerk off to these homo gifs too.  
EB: i bet you started following her for the gay porn before you even knew she posted self shots.    
TG: stfu  
TG: http://lovecraftianwhorer.tumblr.com/tagged/myself  
TG: now look    
EB: oh wow.  
EB: dave this is going to sound really gay, but these are all so nicely lit.    
TG: i fucking know right  
TG: this is a girl who knows how to light underwear  
TG: this is a girl who knows which are the most attractive angles from which to shoot herself touching her puss    
EB: there’s a video of her petting her pink?    
TG: yeah somewhere    
EB: and you’ve been like... talking to this chick?  
EB: is she cool?    
TG: yeah shes cool for an internet hoochiemama    
EB: i just found it!  
EB: oh man.    
TG: i know right  
TG: i fucking know right    
EB: oooooooooooh maaaaaaaaaaaaaan.    
TG: youd better not be fucking typing one handed here egbert  
TG: egbert  
TG: egbert youre fucking banned from spanking the monkey to my pretend cam whore girlfriend  
TG: egbert  
TG: egbert youre hurting my feelings  
TG: john please  
TG: please dont come over my beloved lovecraftianwhorer    
EB: too late.  
EB: hehehehehehehehehehe!    
TG: you fucker 

turntechGodhead  [TG]  blocked ectoBiologist  [EB] 

turntechGodhead [TG]  is offline! 

*

AnonymousAdonis [AA]  began pestering LovecraftianWhorer [LW] 

AA: Hey   
LW: oh hello.  
LW: to what do i owe this pleasure?    
AA: Nothing I just wanted to say hi and stuff  
AA: So  
AA: Hi and stuff   
LW: did you want to RP with me?    
AA: I hate when we call it RPing fuck cant we just call it dirty talk   
LW: pleasuring ourselves with the english language?    
AA: Becoming a pair of cunning linguists   
LW: how amusing.  
LW: shall we start with a classic?  
LW: what are you wearing, aa?    
AA: Fuck all but a smile and a boner  
AA: How about you   
LW: lovely.   
LW: i’d describe it to you but words are so... cheap.    
AA: Really   
LW: mmm.  
LW: i feel we know each other well enough to go to the next step.    
AA: Webcams   
LW: webcams.  
LW: i’ve never seen you before.    
AA: Yeah I know   
LW: i’m curious to see if you live up to your username.    
AA: Hahah  
AA: Im a little nervous about that  
AA: I dunno  
AA: What if youre disappointed   
LW: i’m sure i wont be.    
AA: Can I at least have a chance to like  
AA: I dunno  
AA: Take a nice picture before we go straight to webcam   
LW: well, alright, that seems fair.    
AA: Okay  
AA: Cool  
AA: So Ill talk to you in a bit   
LW: alright.  
LW: don’t leave me hanging for too long. 

AnonymousAdonis [AA]  is an idle chum! 

AA: Hey  
AA: I took a pic so I guess you can decide if you want to carry on  
AA: Here goes  
AA: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6v26bOXMV1qbisgxo1_500.png  
AA: Are you there   
LW: yes, sorry.    
AA: How do I look   
LW: well you know me, aa, i’m not one to flatter.  
LW: so please believe me when i say that you’re genuinely very attractive.    
AA: Please elaborate   
LW: you have very nice arms. and your chest is well toned.  
LW: and i like your little tummy.  
LW: it’s very sweet.  
LW: you never mentioned you were a natural blonde.    
AA: I havent  
AA: I guess I was distracted by all the dirty talk stuff hahahaha   
LW: yes, i suppose.  
LW: i wondered though... why you’ve only sent me a topless photo.  
LW: i mean, you’ve seen countless pictures and videos of me doing all sorts and you can’t even send me a picture of your penis?    
AA: I actually have one queued up  
AA: It just seemed a bit forward to send you that one first  
AA: Here  
AA: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6v328zOQU1qbisgxo1_500.png   
LW: oh.    
AA: Is that a good oh or a bad oh   
LW: a good oh.  
LW: it’s a nice length.  
LW: and it’s thick.  
LW: really thick.    
AA: You think   
LW: mmm.  
LW: i think i’d like to see you finish what you started.    
AA: Seriously  
AA: Like on cam or something   
LW: yes.  
LW: we could watch each other.  
LW: :)    
AA: Hell yes  
AA: Hell fucking yes

lovecraftianWhorer [LW] is inviting you to videochat! [accept] [decline]

anonymousAdonis [AA]  accepted! 

AA: I like your panties   
LW: thanks.  
LW: i like your penis.  
LW: why don’t you touch yourself for me?  
LW: or you can start before i ask, that’s fine.    
AA: sorry   
LW: as long as you keep a hand on the keyboard.    
AA: Okaay  
AA: are you goin to start?    
LW: i think i’d like to watch a little first.    
AA: Thayts cool  
AA: can yoiu touch yopur tits a little for mre  
AA: anf i know you probably still dont waht to show your face but can you move the vcam so i can see your mouth  
AA: i like it in your videos when you moan andbit your lip and stuff   
LW: of course  
LW: is this alright   
AA: y y its great  
AA: lw youre drivinh me crazy here cant you just stick your hand in your panties  
AA: please   
LW: do you want to see me come?    
AA: yeag  
AA: *yeag  
AA: 8*yeah   
LW: well since you asked so nicely.    
AA: holy shit  
AA: how wet are you   
LW: rather.    
AA: hahaahaha  
AA: are yiu fingering yiourself or just touching yor clit   
LW: a littlr of both.  
LW: i wish I was getting fucjked right now.  
LW: kl;  
LW: shit, ignore that,    
AA: looks like you got yourself oretty worked uo   
LW: yes.  
LW: youre hardly looking composed yiurswlf  
LW: aere you close?    
AA: y   
LW: can i watch your face whilr you come?    
AA: ye yfgyhjk 2 seconds  
AA: there  
AA: is thst oksat  
AA: god yiurtre so fuckig hot   
AA: i’l;~:;l’klm  
AA: Ah shit sorry i keyboard smashed a little there  
AA: Did you get the money shot you know the old

lovecraftianWhorer [LW] dropped the videochat!

lovecraftianWhorer [LW] is offline! 

AA: Shit whered you go  
AA: Your connection drop out or something  
AA: Haha i hope my face didn’t scare you off  
AA: That would be awkward  
AA: I have to go Ill talk to you later  
AA: I had fun

AnonymousAdonis [AA]  is offline! 

 

*

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] 

EB: dave blocked me.  
GG: again??  
GG: what the hell did you do this time!!   
EB: why is it always me?   
GG: because it is always you!   
GG: youre a diiiiiiiiiiiiiick  
GG: sometimes  
GG: sometimes youre my sweet baby! but a lot of the time youre a diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick  
EB: i like that i’m not just a dick.  
EB: i’m a  
EB: diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.   
GG: you are though!!  
GG: so what did you do :?   
EB: like nothing.  
EB: okay something.  
EB: he was showing me one of his titty blogs again.   
GG: oooo! which one?  
GG: aschoolgirlsfantasies?  
GG: oh! was it prettylittlefishy, because shes my FAAAAVE of all the foxy slunts dave jerks off to!!   
EB: no it was lovecraftianwhorer.  
EB: any way, i pretended to go jerk off to one of her videos and i clicked back on pesterchum and dave was crying.   
GG: oh noooo  
GG: john shes his favourite!  
GG: shes his internet camwhore waifu!!!  
GG: you know all those anons on her blog?   
EB: the ones she’s kind of shittily rp-ing porn with?   
GG: its not shitty!!  
GG: anyway those are dave!!!  
GG: at least i think theyre dave  
GG: i dunno i dont really look at her blog much :/  
GG: link me?   
EB: http://lovecraftianwhorer.tumblr.com/tagged/myself  
GG: best ecto-brother :B  
GG: oh wow her nipples are soooo cute!!   
EB: i guess??  
EB: how can nipples be cute?   
GG: liiiiike, i dont know i guess hers are just all little and pink, i love them!!  
GG: daaaww i wish my nipples were all cute like hers  
GG: mine are brown   
GG: im not saying brown is a bad nipple colour or anything i just think id like PINK :D  
GG: i look nice in pink, id suit cute little pink nips  
EB: but jade you’re pretty brown, it’d look a little weird if you had like....   
EB: hot pink nips.   
GG: no it wouldnt itd be really cute!   
EB: no, it’d look weird.  
EB: we’re not talking about your nipples jade!   
EB: focus, brown nips!!!   
GG: wow sorryyyyy!!!  
GG: any way i think dave is probably kind of joking, but i wouldnt kid about wagging your tail to lovecraftianwhorer again??  
GG: i think he kind of really likes her!   
EB: dave is so fucking weird.   
GG: i know, but hes so sensitive  
GG: and youre such a  
GG: *deep breath!*  
GG: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!   
EB: i’ll tell him i wasnt really wanking to his waifu then, god.   
GG: good :)   
EB: i’ve gotta go to dinner now anyway.  
EB: later, brown nips.   
GG: byeeee!! 

ectoBiologist [EB]  ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] 

GG: JOHN!!!!!!  
GG: OH MY GOD  
GG: fgyfruiehsdjowfhie be online!!!   
GG: youve been gone for like two hours and i just  
GG: THEORIES!!  
GG: oh screw this noise!!

gardenGnostic  [GG]  began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG] 

GG: KARKAT!!!!   
CG: OH GREAT, HERE COME’S CAPSLOCK JADE.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THIS TIME.  
CG: DID YOUR FAVOURITE DISGUSTING FURPERSON ROLE PLAYER OFFER TO  
CG: “YIFF YOUR BUTT”.   
GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
GG: also wow fuck you >:(  
GG: BUT NO OOOOOOOOOKAY  
GG: remember when you confessed to me that you and rose were secretly dating for like a month when you were on the asteroid thingy???   
CG: UGH.  
CG: YES.   
GG: okay hang on a second i need you to check something for me!   
CG: IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED, HARLEY, TO REMIND ME OF THAT PAINFUL AND HUMILIATING SIX WEEKS.  
CG: WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO CHECK THAT WOULD BE RELATED TO MINE AND ROSE’S PREVIOUS “”RELLAAAAATIIOOOONSHIIIIIP”””.   
GG: http://lovecraftianwhorer.tumblr.com/tagged/myself  
CG: JADE WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME HUMAN BOOBS.  
CG: WAIT.  
CG: SHIT.  
CG: JADE THESE ARE ROSE’S HUMAN BOOBS.   
GG: !!!!!!!   
CG: SHIT.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: IF ONLY YOU COULD HEAR THE BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM ERUPTING FROM ME.    
GG: i thought they might have been!!  
GG: ooooh my gooood rgfuisbifuersw!!!!    
CG: WAIT A SECOND JUST.  
CG: LET US JUST.  
CG: HOLD OUR HORSES FOR A MOMENT.  
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT ROSE’S HUMAN BOOBS LOOK LIKE?    
GG: she has a very distinctive mole on her lefty!  
GG: its shaped like a question mark :?    
CG: YES.  
CG: BUT HOW   
CG: HOOOOOOOOOOOW  
CG: HAVE YOU SEEN IT.    
GG: the last time she stayed at my place, we were playing in the river and she fell out of her bikini top :o   
CG: OH.  
CG: OH OKAY I GUESS THAT’S PRETTY INNOCENT.    
GG: it was for like two seconds  
GG: but just long enough for me to notice that she had a mole above her tiny adorable nipple!! :)    
CG: SO WHY WERE YOU WET A SECOND AGO, THEN?  
CG: * WETTING YOURSELF.  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL COOL ABOUT THE HUMAN PROMISCUITY STUFF.    
GG: i am!!! i think its pretty cool actually i might ask her for some tips!  
GG: shes sooooooo good at lighting   
CG: THOSE ARE SOME VERY NICELY LIT BOOBIES.  
CG: SO WHAT’S THE BIG FUCKING DEAL HERE?    
GG: hang on  
GG: http://lovecraftianwhorer.tumblr.com/tagged/my+favourite+little+RP+anon  
GG: check out that typing   
GG: elaborate, yet.....    
CG: POORLY PUNCTUATED.  
CG: THAT’S STRIDER, ISN’T IT.    
GG: yup  
GG: lovecraftianwhorer is his FAAAAVOOOURITE sexy tumblr girl  
GG: he like loves her :/    
CG: I FAIL TO SEE HOW THIS IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN HILARIOUS.    
GG: beeecaaaaause, rose is daves sister!!    
CG: AND...    
GG: cultural sensitivity karkat!!    
CG: WHAT?  
CG: OH WAIT.  
CG: INCEST IS A SOCIETAL TABOO.  
CG: BECAUSE OF...  
CG: PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPRINTING AND MUTANT FLIPPER BABIES.    
GG: ding ding ding!!    
CG: I STILL FAIL TO SEE HOW THIS IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN HILARIOUS.    
GG: it kind of is i just....  
GG: i dont know if i should tell them or not?  
GG: what if it goes further than him anonymously rping in her askbox??    
CG: ...  
CG: JADE, I REALLY STILL FAIL TO SEE HOW THIS IS ANYTHING OTHER THAN HILARIOUS.    
GG: thats because you suck, karkat  
GG: you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. 

*

 

tentacleTherapist [TT]  began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] 

TT: Jade.  
TT: I have an issue I’d like to discuss with you.  
TT: It’s rather...  
TT: Delicate, shall we say.    
GG: did you cut your cooch shaving again???    
TT: No, no, I didn’t cut my cooch shaving.  
TT: Jade, I’m going to send you a picture of a nude boy.  
TT: And I’d like you to tell me if it reminds you of anyone.  
TT: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4e28wioFb1qbisgxo1_500.jpg   
GG: thats a picture of a bluejay   
TT: Is it?  
TT: Oops.  
TT: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4t8e6qemC1qbisgxo1_500.png  
TT: There.    
GG: oh gosh hello daves penis   
TT: How can you recognise Dave just from his penis?    
GG: davesprites might be orange and sheathed inside his tail but its still the same penis!!    
TT: Ah.  
TT: Before we get serious here, you are one lucky woman, Jade.    
GG: ifkr  
GG: ifk.  
GG: So why do you have a picture of daves penis?? :o   
TT: Jade, I have a confession to make.  
TT: I have a secret blog.  
TT: I post my “nudes” on this blog, because I find it exciting.  
TT: Take from that what you will.  
TT: For several months, I’ve been conversing with an anon.  
TT: We’ve been pestering each other for a while, and we just webcammed each other for the first time.  
TT: It was all fine and dandy till I asked him to show me his O face.  
TT: Jade, my brother has been polishing his doorknob to photos of my tits for the last year or so.  
TT: And he just masturbated over webcam for me.  
TT: And I may have masturbated back.    
GG: oh  
GG: well  
GG: theyre very nicely lit boobs!!    
TT: You knew.    
GG: yup   
TT: Who else knows.    
GG: john has seen the blog but he doesnt know its you and thats it!!    
TT: Oh thank goodness.    
GG: uh  
GG: also karkat knows   
TT: Why.  
TT: How.  
TT: Why.    
GG: i needed him to confirm your boobs :(    
TT: Why would Karkat know what my boobs look like?    
GG: becaaaause.... he may have told me you two were secretly dating for like a month or something :o   
TT: Well.  
TT: Fuck.  
TT: This day just keeps getting more and more cringeworthy, doesn’t it?  
TT: Jade, as far as I know Dave is logged on to the alternative pesterchum account he uses to speak to my alternative pesterchum account.  
TT: I closed the chat and signed out the second I saw his face.  
TT: What the flying fuck do I do?    
GG: well you could tell him he looked hot   
TT: What?    
GG: just sign back in and tell him your internet connection crapped out!  
GG: you dont want to hurt his feelings do you???    
TT: Oh shit, you’re right.  
TT: If I drop him now he’s going to think it’s because I think he’s hideous.  
TT: Which I don’t.  
TT: Not in an sexual kind of way.  
TT: Just aesthetically.    
GG: really though rose??  
GG: you just fapped on webcam for him and your attraction to him ISNT SEXUAL AT ALL??    
TT: Shut up.    
GG: okay  
GG: but to be fair he is pretty like  
GG: well  
GG: girl look at that body   
TT: He works out.    
GG: gosh davesprite doesnt look like that  
GG: i mean i love MY dave but hes no alpha timeline dave body wise   
TT: He doesn’t try as hard as Dave.    
GG: na hes a lot cooler  
GG: rose what if we both end up dating daves? :o   
TT: Oh my God.  
TT: Jade seriously, shut up.    
GG: are you embarrassed?? :P   
TT: Oh no not at all.  
TT: I just found out I’ve been dirty talking to my brother for months.  
TT: It’s not like he’s seen me with my fingers in my vagina or anything though.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Wait.  
TT: He has.  
TT: Jade how are you today?  
TT: Because I’m a pervert.    
GG: oh rose it okay!!  
GG: dont be cry!    
TT: It’s really rather hard not to be cry right now.  
TT: I think I’m going to go.  
TT: The kettle just boiled.    
GG: maybe some tea will calm you down!   
TT: It’s not for tea.  
TT: I’m going to pour it over my hands.  
TT: It’s the quickest way to sterilise myself   
GG: rose no  
GG: hot water burn baby!!!  
GG: HOT WATER BURN BABY!!!! 

tentacleTherapist [TT]  ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] 

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] 

TG: jadey let me love you down  
TG: i got  
TG: so many ways to love you  
TG: i dont know any more words to that song  
TG: oh wait  
TG: jadey ive been breakin down  
TG: somethingsomethingsomething  
TG: got me like  
TG: oh my god  
TG: in need of emotional support  
TG: blah blah blah blah  
TG: o o o o o o o o o o o o o   
TG: omg  
TG: jadey got me lovin like  
TG: my oh my  
TG: cause you got it all  
TG: helpful and supportive from your head to toe  
TG: now i really dont remember any words   
GG: i was here all along :P  
GG: sometimes i just like to watch you go!    
TG: you skank  
TG: any way jade help i have a problem  
TG: a girl problem  
TG: and youre the best at my girl problems  
TG: seeing as youre dating a version of me   
GG: a vastly superior version of you!!    
TG: * a vastly superior version of me   
GG: whats the matter dave??    
TG: i really really fucking like this girl   
GG: uh oh   
TG: why uh oh   
GG: wrong chat window!!! OOPSY!!  
GG: i mean to be like  
GG: YAAAAY!!!    
TG: i dunno if its a yay thing  
TG: you know lovecraftianwhorer   
GG: yeah?    
TG: we just went on webcam for the first time  
TG: and ill be honest with you here  
TG: i showed her my gonzo  
TG: she showed me her miss piggy  
TG: it was time to play the music  
TG: time to light the lights  
TG: we met the muppets on the muppet show tonight   
GG: wow you can take the boy out of the puppetzone but you cant take the puppets out of the boy   
TG: i cant help it  
TG: any way it was a little awkward near the end  
TG: should i just send you the chat log   
GG: well okay!!    
TG: dont click those links theyre my dick

turntechGodhead [TG] is sending a file! seriouslyjadedontlookatmycock.txt

TG: ill go make a sandwich while you read that   
GG: okey dokey!!    
TG: you finish it yet   
GG: yep!  
GG: i like your panties??  
GG: hot girl goes on cam for you and all you have to say is i like your panties???    
TG: stfu  
TG: jade i want you to be honest with me here  
TG: do you think she had like a connection issue or do you think that she signed out because she like  
TG: thought i was  
TG: a goblin   
GG: oh my god dave!!!  
GG: youre not a goblin, youre very attractive!!    
TG: so you dont think thats why   
GG: duh no  
GG: to be honest your face is like your most positive feature!!  
GG: it is the thing a girl would be LEAST likely to be put off by  
GG: like idk if she managed to see past the fact that you trawl tumblr for amateur cam girls i doubt your face would be the problem here  
GG: does she know about any of the other weird shit you do?    
TG: she knows i have a collection of pickled dead stuff   
GG: well if THAT didnt bother her  
GG: she didn’t even mind the awkward dirty talk  
GG: maybe she likes you back??    
TG: you think   
GG: shit  
GG: i mean!!  
GG: well maybe it was too fast!!  
GG: maybe you should go back to being friends with her?    
TG: what   
GG: like  
GG: maybe shes not ready for a relationship with you or  
GG: i dont know!!!    
TG: youre doing a uturn like grandma on the interstate here  
TG: its my face isnt it   
GG: its not your fucking face dave!!  
GG: baaaaa  
GG: have you ever looked at LWs pictures really closely???  
GG: like not just at her tatas  
GG: but at the part of her face you can see orrr i dunno her bedroom??    
TG: not really  
TG: should i have   
GG: ugh hold on  
GG: look at this one  
GG: what do you see  
GG: apart from a pussy!!!  
GG: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6v6tc9C0I1qbisgxo1_500.png   
TG: uh  
TG: some weird ass cthulu post things  
TG: i think thats some knit wear  
TG: oh my fucking god  
TG: holy fucking shit   
GG: yep   
TG: this is johns dad isnt it   
GG: what???    
TG: i was kidding  
TG: obviously its rose  
TG: i just wanted to lighten the mood  
TG: and pretend i havent been imagining spreading my love butter on my sisters buns for the last year or something  
TG: ho lee fuh king sh hiiit  
TG: no wonder she signed out  
TG: did you talk to her did she tell you   
GG: yep!!    
TG: what did she say   
GG: she was horrified!!  
GG: oh speak of the devil she just signed in!!    
TG: oh what the dick she just started pestering me  
TG: oh my fucking god my life has become a vc andrews novel  
TG: and those books as fucking shit  
TG: well flowers in the attic was okay  
TG: idk maybe im biased because i clearly want to bone my sister   
TG: what do i do   
GG: go talk to her stupid!!!    
TG: kill me fucking just kill me kill me and strap my body to a skateboard and try to throw it into the sun   
TG: tie my corpse to the bottom of the fucking one direction tour truck and leave my body to the hormone crazed dogs  
TG: let it be known that dave strider was literally incest  
TG: but also hot how did i even doubt myself

turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] 

tentacleTherapist [TT]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

TT: Why hello there Dave.  
TT: It’s a fine day today, isn’t it?  
TT: Have you done anything interesting?  
TT: I haven’t.  
TT: I have no reason to talk to you or anything.  
TT: I just felt like checking up on my good old genetic brother.  
TT: Mr Dave Strider.  
TT: Who’s really the best brother a girl could ask for.  
TT: You know what they say:  
TT: Bros before hos.  
TT: And when I say that, I mean Daves before Johns and Jades.  
TT: Dersidudes before prospitutes.  
TT: See what I did there.  
TT: Prospitutes.    
TG: hilair   
TT: So, how are you?    
TG: im drowning  
TG: there is no sign of land   
TT: Oh my, is something troubling you?    
TG: oh what the fuck lalonde  
TG: the jig is up   
TT: It is?  
TT: What jig?    
TG: you know which jig   
TT: Do I?    
TG: ill give you a clue  
TG: aint no irish jig  
TG: aint no highland jig  
TG: fucking 100% not one of those jigs   
TT: You’ve lost me.    
TG: oh well if ive lost you maybe i should go ask lovecraftianwhorer if she knows   
TT: Oh shit.    
TG: yep   
TT: Did Jade tell you?    
TG: yep   
TT: Well.  
TT: Fuck.    
TG: yeah well fuck indeed  
TG: rose what the fuck are we going to do   
TT: We could try not having sex on webcam again?    
TG: well duh   
TT: And we need to keep this as contained as possible. No one can know outside of ourselves and Jade.  
TT: Also Karkat.    
TG: what woah why the fucking fuck does karkat know   
TT: Jade used him to check if the boobs on my blog were my boobs.    
TG: why does karkat know how your boobs are like   
TT: I really don’t think that’s the most pressing issue here.    
TG: i kind of think it is though   
TT: The same reason you know what Kanaya’s boobs look like, Dave.    
TG: karkat wanted to experiment with boys on a whim too   
TT: You know what I mean.    
TG: no i dont   
TT: Yes you do.    
TG: say it  
TG: say i was karkat vantas’ fuck buddy   
TT: Never.  
TT: Dave, I think we need to talk about our feelings.  
TT: Feelings that we might potentially have for each other.  
TT: I made no secret of the fact that I found AA’s body appealing.    
TG: you like my dick  
TG: you said my dick was thick  
TG: you wanna sit on my dick   
TT: Well, not really.   
TT: I wanted to sit in AA’s dick.  
TT: Not yours.    
TG: well fine thats cool because i like lovecraftianwhorer not you  
TG: i dont think youre hot at all   
TT: Fine.  
TT: That’s fine because I don’t find you attractive in the slightest.    
TG: good   
TT: That’s that sorted then.    
TG: yeah   
TT: Let’s never talk about this again.    
TG: fine

tentacleTherapist [TT]  is offline! 

turntechGodhead  [TG]  is offline! 

*

 

AnonymousAdonis [AA]  began pestering LovecraftianWhorer [LW] 

AA: hey  
AA: so i said some thing  
AA: you said some things  
AA: we both said some things  
AA: about how we didn’t want to fuck each other  
AA: some things which on my part are maybe not as true as i might have implied  
AA: so hows about we pretend that like  
AA: i dont know lw is also rl  
AA: and you dont know aa is ds  
AA: and we can just have some awesome fun  
AA: which is not incest  
AA: because ignorance is bliss  
AA: what im trying to say is  
AA: can things just go back to the way they were  
AA: and can we fap together on webcam again  
AA: because it was fucking hot  
AA: no body has to know  
AA: please  
AA: rose come on answer me

lovecraftianWhorer [LW] is inviting you to videochat! [accept] [decline] 

**Author's Note:**

> WELL, I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNT A LESSON ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF POSTING PICS OF OUT BOOBS ONLINE.
> 
> I haven't though.  
> I'm an only child, this moral doesn't apply to me.


End file.
